consequences of fear (Story time)

 

It was a long day, I had just moved into my university hostel, College life is one of the most exciting part of anyone’s youth. This is more so in a Nigerian federal university, the hustle and bustle of her dear students striving to excel and make their parents proud. 

          **

  I got settled in, brought out my notebook, and wrote down a bucket list of things I would dare myself to do in school. 

“I’m going to be out there,” I said to myself.

 Was going to join a good Christian fellowship and actively participate in every program, join the creative and drama club, make new friends, and engage in social activities in school and a host of others. 

  

    Being an introverted person I had planned to be myself but also come out of my shell. Change was paramount for me, my friends from high school knew me as a quiet, shy and timid girl. I was coming into a new setting, meeting new people. What better way to create new impressions, spread my wings, and have a little leeway other than the four walls of college. 

  

    As much as I wanted to have an outgoing and energetic disposition, within me I still struggled with what had constricted me, which was “Fear”. I had numerous fears and social anxiety. Fear of failure , fear of public speaking, fear of the unknown, that anytime I got a negative response on anything I try to do, I stop and never try again. I had just turned 18, now in college, I made it a prerogative to revivify a new personality within me and conquer my fears. 

             

            

           

                 ***

       New semester, New experiences. We were assailed with notes, projects and tests. I was doing pretty good in the social aspect, I even surprised myself. Engaged in class discussions, participated in group work. It was more of a comfort zone for me and that wasn’t the goal. I wasn’t satisfied with how far I had come after one semester , however, it was a good start for me.

  

   Mid-semester I made new friends outside my course mates . Got close to one , Felix, he was a tall, lanky, dark skin guy. We both attended the same school fellowship. He was the student drama coordinator and also a theater Arts student majoring in film and movie production. We clicked immediately as friends, been around him and his friends, they were ardently committed and passionate in their work. They showed no sign of fear or chickenheartedness, they implemented every idea they conceived and it earned them awards and recognitions from school management and external bodies. 

They scouted for young talents and featured them in school productions. I was so inspired by them and being around them was an opportunity to tick some items off my bucket list. Met him one day and told him about my interest in acting and dancing. I said , 

“Haven’t mentioned this before. I have a passion for acting and dancing. Acted in a school play in secondary school(high school)” 

He lifted his head, his eyes gleamed  

“You never told me. Then you are just what we are looking for” he gestured with a smile

“We have an audition coming up for our final project . You should come” 

My heart pounced, and anxiety swirled around me.

I had never auditioned for anything before. I failed to let him know that the school play role was a minor role . My fear of public speaking sets in and it brought me back to when I froze on stage at a class debate in high school. It was a daunting experience, I had prepared, strengthened my defense only for what I prepared for to fly out the moment I stepped on the podium. I began to mumble my words and was giving baseless arguments because of fear. 

              ***

  A lot of justifiable and excusable fears taunted my mind, that I doubted my abilities. The maybe’s and what if’s resounded in my head. I ended up not attending the audition. 

  

 

                  *** 

 I did nothing of what I had planned to achieve in college, I was driven by fear a lot and didn’t even give my self the chance to try or even try to fail. Missed out on a-lot of opportunities that could have be beneficial in the future. As they say college is where you build the most important network.

    After college, I made up my mind to change my life for good, be confident, wear my head high, I am beautiful and intelligent I wasn’t going to let fear take the best part of my life. This time I took it to God as I should have done.  As I read through the Bible praying to God to instill in me a confident spirit. the Holy Spirit led me to a verse I had casually read or said before but was revealed to me in a better light. 2nd Tim 1vs7 

 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

I remember searching the commentary under this verse and it explained that Timothy had a shy personality and felt uneasy about his responsibility. Paul didn’t want fear to stifle Timothy’s ministry hence he wrote the letter of encouragement. With this revelation, I wrote about the damaging effect fear has cost me and decided to rewrite my story. With the scripture “God has not given me…” I realized fear is what I have given myself, fear is a spirit that has lied to me all these years, telling me, I’m not good enough, I will make a fool of myself, and I can’t speak in public. I said to myself that day that I was going to go with what God has given me. Which is boldness.

   It’s impossible to please God when we are afraid. God only uses those who are driven by faith. As we journey through life we are faced with various fears. If you are dealing with fear and low self-esteem in your life right now these are some damaging consequences. 

 

You miss out on a lot.  

If you do not conquer fear, you miss out on the most important aspects of your life. 

Ecc 11 vs 4 says,

 

“He who observes the wind will not sow. And he who regards the cloud will not reap”

 

Those driven by fear never start, continue or finish anything significant in life, they are paralyzed at the point of starting anytime they start and fail. They never overcome the inertia to start, they never try again after a bad past. One thing I wish someone told me was that failure is an indicator that you are making progress. Failure is an invitation to start over again but intelligently giving attention to the details. 

 

Another damaging consequences of fear is that it, 

Brings you face to face with people doing something you were afraid to do and by that time you will be starting late

Like I stated earlier I missed out on a lot in college cause of fear of being made fun of, making a mistake, and failing. it was damaging to me when I saw people like me doing what I always wanted to do. Felix invited me for the screening of his movie series I failed to audition for and I saw great talents on display.  At the end of the screening, Felix revealed that the people who auditioned had little or no experience and some had never acted before. 

  I left that event with lots of regrets. Fear makes you hide your potential, it makes you hide what you should expose. 

The day I decide to conquer fear that day I began to do exploits. 

 

People driven by faith hear God, fear nothing, and overcome doubt. The ship may be shaken  but they hold on, they stay through and they breakthrough. 

Do you have problem solving ideas, don’t sit on them. The world is waiting for you, write that book, Dare to do more!

 

 Don’t let fear drive you, let faith drive you. 

 

 

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